If you need me...

I'll be here...

Putting my toes in the water!

Hopefully the NC coast is as beautiful and fun as the SC coast.

Suzi Homemaker

Just managed to get a spoon stuck...and I mean STUCK in the garbage disposal.  Yes my friend, I am the portrait of domestic bliss.

Perhaps I should keep the day job?

My life is complete

I went dumpster diving today (and I mean full on - had to lean more than half of my body in -afraid-I-was-going-to-fall-in ... dumpster diving) all for a fruit roll-up that was mistakenly thrown-away "but-not-even-opened-yet"

...and saved the day for one of my darling six year olds.


Crisis. Averted...Phew.  *wipes forehead*


Life. Is. Good. 

In other Friday LOLcat/dog news ....LOLz:

Huh.

Cloth shower curtains shrink when you wash them.  Who knew????  Not me.




Whoops.  




In other news - I'm trying to survive the next two days before Spring Break. 


Grey's Anatomy is pretty spot on with this: 

We try to do the best we can. But the world is full of unexpected twists and turns. And just when you’ve gotten the lay of the land, the ground underneath you shifts. And knocks you off your feet. If you’re lucky, you’ll end up with nothing more than a flesh wound, something a band-aid will cover. But, some wounds are deeper than they first appear and require more than just a quick fix. With some wounds, you have to rip off the band-aid, let them breathe, and give them time to heal.

I guess next week will be our time to heal...a little.  




*Sorry - I never intended for this to be a serious business post.  But alas, it morphed into one.  What can you do.  Some days you just can't help it.  People need an outlet to vent.  And this is (one of) mine.  Sorry Nick, Mom, Dad & V.  You get to hear this over and over again.  

Life without electricity...

is not fun.  Late this morning we lost power due to a blown transformer nearby.  After consulting with the power company and finding out that it would be at least a few hours before restoring power - I was extremely bummed and at a loss for what to do.

So for future reference I complied a list of things I did and things I (or you) could do, if found in a similar situation.

• Sit and pout that I couldn't access my email or FB or favorite websites
• Go outside to sit and think and watch the rain

• Go get fast food breakfast, come home and eat it outside on the patio in the nice rainy weather
• Paint my fingernails/toenails
• Stop procrastinating and do my Report Cards - since we are still in the dark ages here and haven't switched over to computer generated report cards
• Take a nap
• Think about what I could be doing online
• Read a book
• Pout when the laptop battery dies and I can't even look at things I have saved on the laptop
• Take another nap
• Light every candle in the house
• Blow out every candle in the house when you get a headache from the conflicting smells from said candles
• Sit outside and watch the rain because the house stinks like 15 different candle scents
• Pout when I realize I could be watching my new NM movie ... if we had power...
• Go all 'limp noodle', slither onto the floor and whine about being soooooo bored

• Injure self when trying to navigate to the bathroom in the dark b/c you trip over a dog toy strategically placed in the bathroom doorway (don't worry Dad - I was wearing flip flops - it was my elbow and shoulder that were injured when falling/crashing into the door frame)
• Go for a walk - oh wait - nope it's raining...can't do that either
• Think about how tasty popcorn would be right now... if only I could pop it...
• Try to work out a way to pop microwave popcorn on the grill without catching on fire or blowing up...don't worry didn't try it...just thought about it and was super bummed to realize that it would never work.  Nick would have stopped me anyway.  
• Grade papers....naw - just kidding  - I didn't even get close to being that bored or desperate
• Stare at the computer in a longing/pining manner and sigh...loudly
• Realize my addiction to the computer and internet and electricity in general
• Go right back into addiction denial when suddenly the power comes back on - jump for joy- dance happy dance - while waiting for the computer to boot back up - then go check email/FB/favorite websites... to see what I missed while living without electricity...Oh yeah and go pop a bag of popcorn!  

Finally Friday

I have to say - this week went faster than last week.  Progress.  I guess.  Either way - TGIF.  Srsly.

Friday Funnies

 in the form of LOLcatz

For Mom

For Mom and Jason

What I came home to the other day

What?  It's Friday.  

Tomorrow:

LOL - just kidding Dad...I've got a movie to buy tomorrow.

Ruminations.com LOL:

People just can't come to terms with the fact that their kid is just weird. Oh he has a social disorder? Really? Because he just ate deodorant.  

LOL - sad thing is - this is true.  Some kids are gross.  

If you're looking for me tomorrow - don't.  I'll be off purchasing my New Moon Blu Ray (unless it doesn't come with the Eclipse footage - otherwise it's off to Wally World for the stripped down DVD with the footage).  Then I'll be much too busy having my long anticipated Twi/NM marathon.  Don't hate.  You know you're jealous.

Oh and P.S. Mom - at least Monster just licked your nose.  She restrained herself from clawing your eye this time. That is serious progress.  

Dear Thomas,

no that's not the look - it is however the look of total 

contentment once he is on me and our blanket

I love the look you get on your face when you realize that I'm curling up on the couch with our favorite fluffy fleece blanket.  It really is the cutest thing.   The look in your eyes and how I can just tell what you're thinking...  Precious.  I can totally see the wheels turning and hear you contemplating "oh she's on the couch...aannnnd she's getting our blanket....ooooohhhhhh sweeeeeet nap time!"  I love how you curl up (or stretch out 3 feet long) on my chest or stomach or on my legs or on my feet and just conk out for as long as I stay semi-still.  I love how it doesn't matter WHAT I'm doing on the couch with our blanket - reading, doing something on the computer, watching tv, grading papers...you make it your business to get all up in the middle of it.  I also love how you start purring just looking at me before you even move over to where I am.  

This makes my heart happy.  Please continue.

P.S. - But could you try not to stab/slice my feet/legs/chest/stomach when you're stretching your paws?  Thanks, I'd appreciate it.

Truth

Truth

Screw this 1:59AM to 3AM on a Sunday thing. I think we should spring ahead some time during the work week, like go straight from 2:59PM to 4PM on a Wednesday.  

*from Ruminations.com

I couldn't agree more.

Jen Reviews Stuff

Maybe I should change careers.  I kind of like watching movies and then doing reviews.  It's fun.

Anyways - that's what you are getting today.  Movie Reviews.  I had a pretty lazy Saturday.  V and I had a nice long depressing movie marathon.  We didn't plan on watching a bunch of depressing movies - it just kind of worked out that way.  I guess going to see Remember Me Friday night put us in a reflective mood and made us want to keep with the trend.  

So the thought to take away from this post is this:

 "You cannot do a kindness too soon,
 for you never know how soon it will be too late"  

Ralph Waldo Emerson

So without further ado...my movie reviews

Remember Me

I thought this movie was really, really good.  And no, I'm not being biased.  I wasn’t expecting some happy-go-lucky movie – but even going in knowing that, I was still floored by the emotions I felt leaving the theater.  The story itself is good.  You become interested in what happens to these characters because they are well written and well acted.  It felt more like you were watching real life people living their lives instead of some action packed, angst filled rollercoaster.  I liked that.  Finding out bits of information of the characters’ pasts throughout the movie also made it interesting all the way through.  I loved the sweet, developing romance parts.  Even though I could barely watch the water fight that ended up in the tub - b/c *shudders* that tub/shower was *gags* too much.  Ugh.  I don't know that I'm going to be able to step foot in my own CLEAN shower for a while after that atrocity.  *shudders again*  I mean you know how I am with bathtubs anyway - I think I might have nightmares about that for a while.  Sorry - got sidetracked... Back to the Review...  The ending floored me to an extent that I am still shocked by the impact this less than 2 hour movie had on me.  I think the underlying message is this:  sometimes terrible things happen and there is nothing we can do to stop them.  They change your life and make you change into a much different person than you ever thought you’d be.  The key is to not give up – even when that’s all you want to do.  The only option we have is to keep living and to celebrate the life we have regardless of what we thought our lives would be or should have been.  Live while you can, love while you can and forgive while you can.   Because truthfully – there are millions of things out there that could happen at any second that could change your world forever.  You don’t want to be that person, trying desperately to say "I love you" or "I’m sorry", if you suddenly only had seconds left.  

The sad thing – is that I KNEW how this movie would end or better yet – WHEN – this movie would end.  I didn’t know details – I just stupidly read a review that mentioned it.  Which I kicked myself for (hard) because I completely stayed away from reading anything about this movie b/c I heard there was a bit of a shock ending.  I figured reading an "official" review wouldn’t give away any major details.  I was wrong.  Although the anxiety was building throughout the entire second half of the movie for what I knew was to come – I still felt the dread and shock when everything finally clicked into place and you knew, without a doubt what was coming. 

Point is – I knew what was coming and I still found myself completely filled with sorrow, pain, sadness and despair because this movie allows you to see things from a first person point of view instead of an outsider looking in and feeling shock and pain for what happened and the aftermath.

It will never seize to amaze me how we can remember things in our lives like they were yesterday.  How we can remember what we were doing at a specific time, exactly where we were, what we were thinking, what we felt.  It will also never seize to amaze me how those feelings can come back as strongly as we felt them at that specific time.  [You’ll understand what I’m talking about after you see the movie or hear about the ending.  I’m not being random.  ;)] 

I would recommend this movie to anyone.  It’s sad.  It’s going to leave you in a contemplative mood instead of a romantic comedy or action movie high.  But this movie makes us remember something two things we should never forget.  A tragic event.  And also that we should never take the certainty of tomorrow for granted. 

The Time Traveler’s Wife

Yet another sad, depressing movie.  I wanted to see it for a while because I love love love Rachel McAdams.  But then I heard that the book was hard to follow and the movie was confusing so it was put to the back burner until now.  I did however, like the movie.  It didn’t try to explain why or how he was traveling through time which I kind of would have liked.  But then again it probably would have been lost in translation and bogged the movie down.  I thought it was pretty neat how they advanced the love story between the two leads and enjoyed their progression through life’s hardships and tragedies.  I also learned from this movie that it is probably better to not know when you’re going to die.  Too much pain to know that your days are running out – even though this is something we all know, we don’t necessarily need to know exactly how few are left.  It hurt too much to watch the time run out and to watch them try to say goodbye.  Again, this is one of those movies that makes you realize that you need to say and act on how you feel now.  Don’t hold anything in or anything back.  Life is simply too short and unexpected.  So all in all – it’s good.  But bring tissues. 

At this point I knew we needed a happy movie.  I could barely even say ‘we need a happy movie, I can’t take another sad one’ without bawling. 

Post Grad

I loved this movie.  Kooky, random and silly at times – but so heartwarming and loveable.  And all too real at showing how frustrating it is to think you have life planned out only to find that life is never quite what we planned.  It was too cute even if it was predictable.  I think I called the ending not even halfway through the movie.  I thought it was worth watching if you’re looking for a light, silly comedy.  Which I was.  Trust.  Definitely worth watching on a lazy Saturday afternoon. 

My Sister’s Keeper

Okay – I blame Veronica for this one.  I’d already seen it.  And cried.  A lot.  So why I watched it again… I don’t know.  I almost even decided that I wouldn’t be having children after seeing this (and reading the book).  Because it’s just too much to bear.   Watching the family struggle with a lifelong illness that everyone knows is going to kill her in the end.  Kate hit the nail on the head with her insight about dying– “I don’t mind my disease killing me, but it’s killing my family too.”  I would imagine you would come to that – if you spent your entire life slowly dying of a disease and you watched your family give up everything for you.  I think the hardest part is finally accepting your inevitable fate when no one else is willing to.  Because I can see both sides of that – being the one who is able to accept what is happening and becoming ready to let go, and being the loved ones who will never be ready to let go.  See you’re crying reading this aren’t you?  Try watching the movie.  Another thing about this movie that struck me was when Anna realizes that Cambell is epileptic and has seizures induced by stress or not taking his medication at exactly the right time or a multitude of other reasons.  Anna says that she finally understands why he took on her legal case for medical emancipation – it wasn’t for the notoriety or press – it was because he could understand what it’s like to live in a body that he doesn’t have control over.  For some reason this struck me when I watched it this weekend.  I guess it’s because she has a point.  It sucks to be stuck in a body that doesn’t work the right way.  To have things happen that you have no control over.  To do everything you should do and still have it not work the right way.   It’s frustrating.  Maybe no one has "control" over their bodies – maybe it’s as simple as some work and some don’t.  Either way I can empathize.

Crazy Heart

This movie was equally as depressing.  Watching an alcoholic try to overcome a lifetime of mistakes and bad decisions isn’t all roses and sunshine.  But this movie gives us hope.  Hope that it is not always too late to make amends and get your life on track. I know this kind of goes against the theme of the other movies but still.   Having a conversation with a friend after a failed attempt to contact his long lost son stood out to me as they discussed both sides of redemption.   One side is that 25 years of mistakes is simply too much to forgive.  It’s too little too late.  Too many years of wrong.  The other side is that – no, just because it is the first ‘right’ in too many years doesn’t mean it’s not right. 

"You were wrong 25 years ago, you've been wrong since then, but you called him.  Now you're right.  You just gotta keep after it.  It's never too late"

Okay - enough movie reviews.  I definitely think I'll be finding some lighthearted comedies for a little while.  But srsly - go check out these movies if you want a movie that will make you think (and feel).  

P.S.-  Iron Man 2 was a preview for Remember Me!   Holy Crap!  I can't wait!  Love Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark!  

Early Friday LOL

Since I'll be much too busy tomorrow (wooo hoooo) to post a Friday Funny - I'm posting early.  Lucky you.

Random LOL

Yesterday I decided to throw the shower curtain in the wash since it's been 4 years since I put it up in the first place.  Well, now it needs to be ironed before I can put it back up so we are going without it until I get the ironing bug.  So as of now - all that is there is the clear plastic liner.  I didn't think too much about it since I am the only one up and taking a shower at 6:30 - until I was about half way through showering this morning.  Thomas comes in and likes to hang out in the steam every morning and since he's a total perv - he usually gets in between the shower curtain and liner and sits and gawks at me anyway - so he didn't think too much of the lack of privacy, clear liner only.  On the other hand - Murphy comes around the corner into the bathroom and about had a heart attack when he saw me through the liner.  LOL First he jumped back about a foot - then he came creeping back in scared to death - and for the rest of the shower he sat there looking at me like I was crazy for letting the water touch me.  Guess he just thought I disappeared behind the shower curtain for 20 minutes and then reappeared to came back out.

Awesome way to start the day.  All I'm sayin.

And as always... 

Jen's Favorites: LOLz and Truths from ruminations.com 

Sometimes overreacting is the only way people will listen.

There is a point where, in your head, not leaving the house all Sunday stops seeming pathetic and starts seeming like a goal to be vied for. It's me and you against the world, pajamas

It really pisses me off when it is clearly my turn to go at a stop sign, and the other person waves me on like they are doing me some favor by letting me take my turn. Thanks dick, I was going anyway.

I hate when I can't tell if I'm actually sick or if I just need to man up.

How many people knew that the game 'Operation' came with rules and cards? Me either.

When I follow cooking instructions, I leave behind all logical and critical thinking. Boil for 12 minutes? Yes, master

I hate when people say "if they gossip to you, they'll gossip about you." Excuse me, some of us have morals. I don't mix who I talk shit to with who I talk shit about.

No matter how long the trip is I always overpack. Said overpacked suitcase will then remain packed with the 12 outfits I didn't use on my trip for at least a month upon return.

Famous last words..."you can barely taste the tequila in these."

Unfortunately I'm not a stripper, bartender, bellhop or taxi driver. So, to answer your question: no, I don't have any cash on me.

Nothing will piss me off sooner than being in a group meeting and after the speaker says good morning and gets a muffled response, he then says, "Now that won't do.  Let's try that again.  GOOD MORNING!"  No, I'm sorry.  My morning is ruined now.  

I hate being stereotyped as crazy just because I am female. At least give me some time to prove it. Besides you might like the crazy I have to offer.

Everything's funnier when your supposed to be quiet.  

My computer needs to learn if I click my internet icon 8 times, that I do not want 8 windows to open. One will do, you frozen piece of shit

I don't know about everyone else, but if I "lived each day as if it were my last" I'd probably be in jail right now. 

If Girl Scouts really want to sell some cookies, they should station themselves outside of bars at 1 am.

I'm a fashionista...apparently...and other things

1.  Since yesterday was the first day that broke 50 degrees in since...I don't even know when...I decided to break out a skirt.  Since we are currently in the multi season of winter/summer- freezing in the morning, hot in the afternoon - I decided to pair my skirt with a pair of tights to change it up a little and be comfortable all day.

Well.  Apparently I have one of those few jobs where what I wear is a big deal and when I wear something out of the ordinary - all heck breaks loose.

I mean rly - some of my girls LOST their minds when they saw me yesterday morning in my fuchsia tights and zebra print ballet shoes.  I mean you'd think I was dressed like a fashion model or something (I'm talking runway model - in get-ups you wouldn't ever wear in everyday life).  The best part of my day was not having my girls squeal when they saw me no...no the best part [sarcasm] was picking my kids up from guidance and having one of my girls call me out and ask our male guidance counselor if he saw me and if he'd looked at my legs yet. I'm sure the looks on both of our faces were preeeeettttty priceless.  Just So many levels of awkward and uncomfortable there I can't even begin to count them.

Sorry this isn't the best pic - but none the less - you get the idea.

2.  My kids are getting to the point where they are so busy being concerned with everyone else's business - they often don't have the first clue about what they should be doing.

Now while this usually drives me crazy - today one thing stuck my funny so hard that I needed to take a few minutes to get over the cuteness overload and the LOL that transpired from it.

One of the major things we've been working on is that 'sentences start with capital letters'.  I say this so often that it's become like a popular song in our room.  I say it it a 'slightly annoyed, can't believe you are STILL starting your sentence with a lowercase letter singsong-y' voice (shhh they don't realize the tone -they like it).  I say it so often that most of the time all I have to say/sing is 'sentences start with...' and they will finish it in their own singsong-y voice.  Well this afternoon when working on a writing activity of course one of my kids needed the reminder.  Mind you the classroom is not silent at this point, I didn't mind them chatting a little and working together - so I crouched down next to him (thinking no one was listening), had him read what he had and then started my friendly reminder.  Well of course all my NOSY kids were all in his business so when I said (not even loud enough for my voice to carry) my reminder - before he could even respond - from across the room I hear in the littlest, most innocent singsong-y voice '...capital letters'.  I think the reason it struck me so hard was the fact that she wasn't even trying to be in his business (this time)- she never stopped working - never looked over at us - never even looked around to see if anyone heard her. They are so busy being in everyone else's business they don't even know they're doing it anymore!


3.  A Proposition

Today was picture day again.  Yes again, for like the 4th time this year.  Except these pictures were the kind where you get to pick your pose.  Yippee.  Translation:  they take forever.  Srsly.  It took us 45 minutes to get our class done.  (Not kidding.  I wish I was exaggerating.)

Every one of the poses involved sitting on a 'rock'.  A 'rock' that required them to cross their legs in a variety of non-ladylike ways.  So after the photographer asked me to fix the first few dresses (I imagine life is difficult for a male photographer since touching little girls and/or their dresses is generally frowned upon) and he struggled with  trying to move their heads so they didn't look like awkward statues (I don't know how experienced you are with 6 year olds being asked to pose...but it doesn't work - you get the most awkward and unnatural head angles, arm/hand placement and facial expressions), I began to step in and manually move their heads, arms, legs, bodies into (more) natural positions and arrange their clothes for them.  I mean you know me - I'd already combed their hair for them and tried to get their clothes straight.  So this was even more than I usually do.  Anyway - after about the 8th kid we had a rhythm going and started moving faster.  After about the 18th kid he asked me if I wanted to run away with him and be his assistant.  Ummmmm... a little awkward.  At first.  I think he realized it too - that asking a complete stranger to run away with you isn't 100% kosher.  So he rephrased and said that I had my kids in their poses and ready to go much, much faster than he could manage.  I told him that on some days I might consider it - b/c I thought it was rather fun.  Apparently to him - that is the worst part of his job.  I guess I can see it though -having to get these uncoordinated kids to get into the right position, have them hold it and then trying to get them to smile naturally probably is a bit tough when you see thousands of kids a day.

4.  A New Attitude
As you well know I've been in a slight funk lately - with being sick all the time and not really loving my work environment (I'm happy inside the classroom, just not out of it).  I heard this song from the Crazy Heart soundtrack and really liked it (it's a good movie too - you should check it out).  You know how sometimes you hear a song that really relates to how you feel? This verse really hit home in relation to how I've been feeling about work:

Crazy Heart movie trailer - The Weary Kind

...Somehow this don't feel like home anymore

And this ain't no place for the weary kind
And this ain't no place to lose your mind
And this ain't no place to fall behind
Pick up your crazy heart and give it one more try

I've tried to take a step back and not let myself get so frustrated at the things I can't change.  I've tried to let things go.  I've been minding my own business and trying not to stand out.  I may have even started sucking up a little (ok - I guess you can't call it sucking up - you know me - I've just been trying to be slightly more friendly and helpful to certain people I would usually avoid at all costs).

I also got one of those 'live life while you can' emails the other day that put some things into perspective.  One of the biggies that stood out to me was this:  Life may not always be the party we hoped for...but while we're here we might as well dance.

Friday LOL

Jack Hole - my new favorite nickname for...

...everything...

Wit - I have it. Do you?

Pet Peeves

Pet Peeve # 8

People who pull out in front of you and putt.

Even better is when there is NO ONE behind you.

I don't even think I have words for this one. I just don't get it.

Pet Peeve # 9

The "Pee Pee Dance"

me: what else was on the list?

Veronica: the Pee Pee Dance was on there

me: Oh My Jesus!

Veronica: come on....

9:38 PM

me: at this point I just look at my kids now and say Srsly?!? Why are you dancing? I mean I will make them wait LONGER if they try to pull that dancing crap with me.

Veronica: Really "I know you have to go, but you just went like 30 minutes ago...

it can't be that bad, I HAVEN'T BEEN IN 5 HOURS

do you see me doing the pee pee dance?"

me: but srsly - "how did you NOT know until RIGHT NOW that you have to go THAT bad?!?"

ugh

Veronica: and honestly HOW MANY times does a kid need to go in a day?

me: srsly - we drink multiple cups of coffee, then I drink water all afternoon and still prob only go to the bathroom once during the day.

Pet Peeve #...oh heck I lost count...

FB Status Updates

of stuff we don't want to know about

*from gmail chat

me: oh yeah - did u see *******'s update from a few days ago...

10:17 PM

something about ******* (sorry that's classified info)


WTF


is she 5?!?


Veronica: yeah, i saw that


that could be another peeve


useless FB updates


me: ok sounds good...


"trying to be funny but failing miserably" updates


Veronica: "woe is me my life sucks all the time" updates

me: "thinking you're cute" when you're NOT updates

"thinking you have a catchphrase and repeating it in your comments to everyone" when you just sound stupid. Srsly - this IS MY status update - take your stupid catchphrase elsewhere

Veronica: "TMI" updates


me: "MY turn in urgent care...going to the dr. again for..."

Veronica: there are some things the whole world doesn't need to know


me: i do NOT go on FB to be depressed




Veronica: i mean come the F on


me: i have enough of my OWN issues - dont need yours


Veronica: for real, FB is supposed to be fun


me: i know
10:20 PM


Veronica: see a shrink... not the FB community


me: LOL

Thomas is ignoring me...

*censored version

He was facing the other way until I sat down on the couch....

*sighs* anyway...

Pet Peeve #3

People who only refer themselves as Mrs. [insert last name here].

I mean really? Really!??!? Just WHO do you think you are? I just don't get it. I don't know why people think they need to try to intimidate each other.  And really it's just annoying.

What I'll be doing...

on my two hour delay tomorrow morning...

Yeah.

Woo Hooooooooooooo!

Public Service Announcement

FYI - this is going to come off as a little bit of personal therapy and a bit like a PSA so be warned.

*****

Anger. I have it. A lot today. I don't like anger. Not at all. I don't like being angry, having a reason to be angry nor do I like the way anger makes me feel like I hate things in my life. I'd really like to just SCREAM. But as I am FINALLY beginning to get over being sick...again...for like the 1,847,636th time this school year - I'd really like to not have a sore throat from screaming.





*Don't be fooled by my angry face - this is a serious post.

Grey's Anatomy had a good thought on anger:


In life we are taught that there are seven deadly sins. We all know the big ones... gluttony, pride, lust. But the thing you don't hear much about is anger. Maybe it's because we think anger is not that dangerous, that you can control it. My point is, maybe we don't give anger enough credit. Maybe it can be a lot more dangerous than we think. After all, when it comes to destructive behavior, it did make the top seven...

So what makes anger different from the six other deadly sins? It's pretty simple really, you give into a sin like envy or pride and you only hurt yourself. Try lust or coveting and you'll only hurt yourself and one or two others. But anger, anger is the worst... the mother of all sins... Not only can anger drive you over the edge, when it does you can take an awful lot of people with you.




*****


My two pet peeves today have a lot to do with anger. Anger that I feel because of these two things. These two things that I hate. And you know I'm serious if I'm saying that I truly hate them. I don't "hate" a lot of things. I hate ignorance. I hate injustice. I strongly dislike stupidity. I very strongly dislike phony people. But what I've come to learn is that I hate hate hate inconsistency and double standards. And I hate that there isn't a whole lot I can do about it. I've been taught that hate and anger are not things that you want to carry around with you. They have the ability to consume you. Which they do. Easily. This is why I'm venting these two things here today and getting them off of my chest and out of my mind and heart.

Inconsistency

I've never been someone who needs to have structure in my life to function. However I do like having structure. I like knowing what I have to do. I like knowing what is expected. I like having a good idea of what is going to happen. I like repetition. I don't like the unknown. I'm leery of going to new places alone. I don't often like change. I like constant. I like being prepared. I've never liked projects where I had no idea of what the teacher/professor was looking for. I've just always liked knowing what is expected of me. I don't like surprises (unless they are good ones). I'm not very spontaneous. I like having a schedule or at least a plan and for the most part, sticking to it.



I imagine a lot of people are like me in this way. Sure, maybe I am a little more extreme than most. I like knowing what to expect because I like to please. But really who doesn't? I guess people know this about me more than I do since it was obvious to everyone but me (when playing Imaginiff -good game btw) that my biggest fear in life would be to disappoint others.



So imagine my difficulty in dealing with people who are so inconsistent you never know what to expect. People who change their tune every time they turn around so even if they told you to do something one way - they will change their mind the next minute and contradict everything you thought you were doing right. I just can't cope with that. I don't know how to. It makes me so angry I don't know what to do with it. I think I am doing everything right or at the very least doing everything the way I thought I was told to do it to be completely blindsided. Inconsistency is something I am finding myself completely bombarded with right now. I'm very close to carrying a tape recorder around with me and getting everything in writing. Because I just don't know how much more I can take.

Double Standards

Pet Peeve #2 goes hand in hand with Pet Peeve #1. The best part [sarcasm] of the chaos I am in right now is that some people can do things a certain way while others are not allowed. See why I am angry?



I try not to be angry about these things. It is just so hard.

A Buddhist principle I like goes something like this: The past is full of regret, the future full of anxiety, all we have with absolute certainty is now - so live in the now. Not with anxiety for the future or regret for the past.

I'm trying. Maybe I should add something about anger for the things I hate that can't change. Maybe I should add the Serenity Prayer to my list.