1 Month part 2

Ok this is for my records.

At one month post pregnancy/post-op, I:

Have lost all pregnancy weight, plus some.  Breastfeeding works wonders!

Have zero heartburn!  Yay!

Can sleep!  Woo hoo!!  But only when that darling baby boy lets me.

Still have issues with my fingers not working.  Fine motor skills have not come back all the way.  Things like writing, putting a cap on a water bottle, tying shoes... still don't come easy.  On the upside, they don't hurt anymore.  So that's something.

The vein the 3rd IV went into still has some issues down at the knuckle.  It really hurts to make a fist and turn my hand.  Weird right?

Blood sugar is still running on the low side.  Which I'm not complaining about.  The 'baby honeymoon' as they call it (lower than usual blood sugar and needing less insulin) is still in full effect.  I could definitely be ok with this lasting forever.

C-section incision has healed as far as I can tell.  The serious, serious heavy duty glue they put on there to close me up is still hanging on though.

Skin between my incision and belly button is still sensitive (severed nerves - but I feel it on my skin) .  It went from feeling like death being welcome - to - really sore and too tender to touch - to - tender but I could touch it - to - just a little sore - to - just sensitive.  :)  It's also pretty numb which I don't think is going away.  But numb is better than pain.

My gums don't hurt anymore.

I sneezed this week!  For the first time in a month!  And my belly didn't bust open!  Success!

Able to wear non maternity clothes.  Don't get me wrong...I still rock the maternity pants and some of the shirts ... Hey! They're comfortable!

Baby legs!  *love*

1 month

Can't believe it's already been 1 month!

At one month Aiden:

Lifts his head for a few minutes at a time.

Drools.

Almost rolls all the way over.

"talks" and responds when you talk to him.

Is very vocal about being hungry, tired, cold, hot, gassy.

Loves looking at lights and ceiling fans.

Weighs about 10 lbs.

Wakes up like clockwork overnight.  About every 3-4 hours.

Has already outgrown some of his 3 month size clothes and newborn slippers.  :(

Gave me his first real smile this week.  :)

Has completely stolen our hearts.



The many faces of Aiden:

Jen Jr.
I call this the 'Dinosaur sneak attack' pose.

Grumpy Gus

Nick Jr. 

Drunken "how you doin" face

This face!  I die.  *love*

Best Laid Plans

But little Mouse, you are not alone,
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best laid plans of mice and men
Go often awry

From - To a Mouse by Robert Burns


We had a date:  August 6

We had a plan:  Ultrasound on the 2nd, then decide on induction or c-section based on his size for the following Monday.

He had his chariot:  big spacious minivan to carry him where ever he desired.

Funny how things don't happen the way you planned.  Funny how things don't work out the way you thought they would.  Funny how things happen for a reason (right Jason?).

Love that he came 2 weeks earlier than his (one week early) induction date.  Got that many more snuggles (and diapers...) and that much more time with him.  Much more comfortably spent time with him not cramped up in my belly.

I'm fine with the fact that we went through labor, pushing AND a c-section.  Even though that was what I thought would have been the worst possible scenario for delivery.

I'm still not ok with the stolen chariot.  Probably never will be.  It's sad that he has to live in a world that has such horrible people (people way worse than the thieves we've even had to deal with).  But I know that things do happen for a reason.  And it's not always meant for me to understand the reason.  And I can make peace with that.

Repost - b/c it does help.  Even when life isn't fair.  And you realize that the world is full of scumbag, dirtbags who will steal your minivan full of your 4 week old's baby gear and never look back.  I honestly don't know how someone could do that.  But as a friend said (paraphrasing here)- the world is full of horrible people.  but you have to remember that there are just as many good people in it too. - thanks Patricia

See the Glass as Already Broken 

(and Everything Else Too)

This is a Buddhist teaching that I learned...

The essence of this teaching is that all of life is in a constant state of change.  Everything has a beginning and everything has an end.  Every tree begins with a seed and will eventually transform back to earth.  Every rock is formed and every rock will eventually vanish.  In our modern world, this means that every car, every machine, every piece of clothing is created and all will wear out and crumble; it's only a matter of when.  Our bodies are born and they will die.  A glass is created and will eventually break.  

There is peace to be found in this teaching.  When you expect something to break, you're not surprised or disappointed when it does.  Instead of becoming immobilized when something is destroyed, you feel grateful for the time you have had. 

The easiest place to start is with the simple things, a glass of water, for example.  Pull out your favorite drinking glass . Take a moment to look at and appreciate its beauty and all it does for you.  Now, imagine that same glass as already broken, shattered all over the floor.  Try to maintain the perspective that, in time, everything disintegrates and returns to its initial form.

Obviously, no one wants their favorite drinking glass, or anything else, to be broken [or stolen].  This philosophy is not a prescription for becoming passive or apathetic, but for making peace with the way things are.  When your drinking glass does break, this philosophy allows you to maintain your perspective.  Rather than thinking, "Oh my God," you'll find yourself thinking, "Ah, there it goes."  Play with this awareness and you'll find yourself not only keeping your cool but appreciating life like never before.  

Written by:  Richard Carlson, Ph.D

- From Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's all small stuff. 

Finally! A Baby!

I think a month is long enough to go without a post...

This will probably be long... and since my memory is for beans!  A lot of it is just for me to be able to remember all the little things I'm afraid I'll forget if I don't write it down (this is my journal after all).

Pre-Arrival:

T-minus 6 days.  Kind of bummed this is the last preggo pic I took.
Really wish I would have sucked it up and taken one at the hospital.  Oh well. 

Ready or not, my body served eviction papers 3 weeks early.  Which was fine with me.  And it was fine with him (thank goodness).  So after a mostly sleepless night watching random Disney movies, I woke up at 5am realizing that my hips and back and legs were way too cramped and throbbing to be normal.  Once I realized that I wasn't going to be able to lay back down (or sit) I started puttering around (folded some laundry, spot cleaned the kitchen, took a shower).  I knew I didn't want to wake Nick up too early (or else we'd be at the hospital) - so I waited until it was a little closer to the time when we could call the doctor.  So he woke up on his 29th birthday to hear 'Happy  Birthday - wake up we're going to the doctor - you better call in to work..."

The doctor sent us to the hospital for further monitoring.  Which turned into an all day event.  Went from no dilatation, zero effacement and contractions every 5-10 minutes to one centimeter, some effacement and contractions every 2-5 minutes in an hour or two. Since I was 3 weeks early and 2 weeks earlier than they were even considering letting him come out (apparently diabetic mothers have babies whose lungs develop late, pretty often), they wouldn't help me along so we took the slow, scenic route until I got far enough on my own to be considered in 'active labor'.  They allowed us to come home (to progress more comfortably - i.e. not in a hospital bed) around 5pm - which was the first time I was allowed to eat anything all day - which unfortunately for me was when the contractions really hit and I was unable to eat much of anything... (more on being starved and thirsting to death later)

So back to the hospital we went (after being home for roughly an hour).  This time it was for the duration.  The sweet, sweet epidural was administered some time over night (I think it was around 1 or so).  And slow, slow labor progressed for the next 15 hours.  At some point in the night they had me on oxygen and to be honest...I'm not even sure why.

Arrival:  Finally, I was ready to push.  And his precious but ginormous head didn't want to fit though the birth canal.  She said we could keep trying but it would be more stressful for him. So after 37 hours - we ended up with a c-section anyway.



Not that I minded one bit.  At that point I would have (and still would) walked over hot coals, run, climbed or sprouted wings and flown to the ends of the earth to get him here in the least stressful way for him.   And really the c-section wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be.  So out he came - looking like a poor alien baby b/c of my awesome pushing job (trying to get that head to fit through).  Luckily it went back to normal soon after.  :)

Minute 1   - just look at those perfect little toes

Things I wasn't expecting: 

• To feel so comfortable in the hospital.  The nurses were so wonderful.  I never once felt awkward or weird for what they were having to do.  The hospital say was one of my fears.  And they made it feel like home.  
• To not be able to eat or drink anything for two days.  I was parched by the end of it (not exaggerating).  I have to say - that was one of the worst parts!  Even worse than having my stomach cut wide open.  The only other part that was horrible was the gas pain in my shoulder after the c-section that felt like my arm was being ripped off.  The whole labor and delivery thing had NOTHING on those two parts. (again, not kidding)
• Throwing up on the operating table, myself and floor after the c-section.  
• Shaking so uncontrollably that it hurt.  
• Having to be held up and onto a bed pan to pee... after the epidural.  Not only could I not feel anything from the chest down but I was also half drugged out of my mind so in my mind I knew I was dreaming and that I was totally going to pee all over the bed.  
• That I would have zero swelling (only a little puffiness when it got really hot) - until after delivery.  But I guess the gallons of fluids they pumped into me for two days had to go somewhere...
• The wonderful, caring nursery nurse (did I mention they were awesome? b/c they were.) who came back the second night (when Aiden wasn't even one of her babies) to check on ME.  Since I was so upset the first night about his blood sugar dropping.  She was so sweet that when she had to take him away the first night to get his blood sugar back up - she called me at 1am to say it had come up and that she could bring him back for a few minutes for me to see him again.  

Day 1

Things I feared:

• The epidural.  I really thought it was going to hurt going in.  Or that it wasn't going to work.  Neither happened.  Actually, the only part that hurt was the shot of numbing stuff they put in before he inserted the epidural.  
• The catheter.  OMG.  I was so afraid of that hurting (going in or going out!) but really the not having to go to the bathroom for a day was a nice little vacation from having to make the trek to the bathroom every hour for the past 6 months.   
• You know...actually birthing a baby.  
• Lack of privacy/modesty.  Again, the nurses made me feel so at ease and comfortable with everything they had to do.  Also, at that point I didn't care about telling people to leave the room when it came time for them to do the things they needed to do.  They even got pretty good about clearing the room for me.  
• Pain!  The contractions before the epidural were uncomfortable and painful in a - not the pain I expected -kind of pain.  I just told myself that they would pass and eventually they did.  And by the time they were happening way to frequently and forceful - it was time for the epidural.  And. it. was. glorious.  (Did I mention that? because it was.  I now understand why everyone asks if you are having one as soon as they find out you're pregnant.  b/c it's a big deal.)  
• My blood sugar.  While I was terrified of having them control it via IV.  It worked.  And it took all the  responsibility off of me.  Which was a nice change.  
• The hospital mixing up babies and giving us the wrong one.  Ok. Call this my Lifetime movie stupid fear.  But I had it!  I was terrified of him being out of our sight b/c of that.  Little did I know that while I was bleeding out gallons of blood and getting put back together on the operating table - Nick was able to go with Aiden to the nursery.  And everyone else was able to watch through the nursery window.  Not to mention that after being able to stare at that perfect little face for a few seconds before they whisked him away - I would have never not known him.   

Things I don't want to hear: (some of these might sound catty...but if they do you have no idea what I've been through for the last 10 months)

• When are you having the next one?  Or anything to that effect.  Let me/us enjoy him.  We are not even considering 'the next one' at this point.  So please.  Let it go.  IF there is a next one - we'll cross that bridge when we get there.  
• You had such an easy pregnancy.  Please.  I've held my tongue (and hand from slapping people) for that comment.  Spending every second of every day sick, terrified and completely frustrated over what my blood sugar was (even under super strict control, hormones do crazy things to it).  And my lovely pregnancy hormones did a number on my blood sugar.  And crazy blood sugars are no good for a baby.  So all the doctors, all the adjustments, all the tests, all the tears because at times NOTHING I/we did worked for more than a few days, all the appointments and ultrasounds to check to make sure there wasn't ALREADY damage to his heart and other internal organs - did not make for an easy pregnancy.  Please take note:  Just because I didn't complain or cry openly about it...doesn't mean I didn't spend every moment in constant terror over what my disease might possibly be doing to him.  
• You are SO lucky that you only gained 21 pounds.  Luck had nothing to do with it.  Trust me. 
• Before you dispense all your advice - Let me ask for it.  I know it's a cliche thing to say.  But it's true.  I am always up for advice or tips (if I'm asking for information or frustrated b/c what we're doing isn't working) - however, don't expect me to follow it just because something worked for you.  It has to work for me too. Not that I'm always right by any stretch but this is our baby.  And we're working on finding our own way.  

Has it been 3 1/2 weeks already?

Things I've learned:  

#1 - I would do anything for this guy.

• I'm much more Type-A personality than I thought.  
• You can sleep in 2-3 hour intervals and survive.  I haven't slept 8 solid hours since ...probably March.
• Getting pee, poop, spit-up...  on me - doesn't even register as gross anymore. 
• Watching a baby pee on a husband who claims that I'M the only on he pees on = priceless.  
• That changing a boy's diaper can always be made into a fun race against the clock game (If you don't get peed or pooped on - you WIN!). 
• Taking a shower is a luxury. 
• Going anywhere with a baby requires at least 3 days worth of baby provisions (diapers, clothes, wipes, pumped and bottled breast milk, formula (for emergencies), breast feeding privacy shield (for emergencies - still not on board with breast feeding in public), a scheduled itinerary of events and lots of strength to carry it all.
• That I could miss someone just by being in a different room from him.
• Not to cry when he cries.  haha - pretty sure that was hormones...  
• That I already miss his little squeaks (that he made the first few days - instead of grunts and coos). 

And finally, 

• If I could only just have had those few seconds to stare at that precious little face - that would have been enough for a life fulfilled.  Every day with him is a new gift to be cherished... 

...even when it is 3am and he's been wide awake and grumpy since 10 and he's on his 3rd diaper in as many minutes...  :)