Truths and other Funnies...again...

For your enjoyment and LOLz - from my most favy fav site: ruminations.com

You don't have to keep telling me, "Dude, I'm so drunk." I know what drunk looks like and you're not it. See Phil over there hitting on the coat rack? That's drunk.

Why do I feel like I have to hit the clear button on my calculator like 8 times before I am confident that it's actually cleared?

I'd be so annoyed if someone constantly lifted me up without warning, carried me a short distance, touched my hair, and then put me down in a random spot. I guess that's why cats are so bitchy.

So much pressure being a grown-up. Sometimes I just want to build a tent in my living room, bring my favorite toys, and stay in there the rest of the day. (sounds like a good plan...care to join me?)

When I walk out of a store without buying anything, I feel like I'll be stopped for thievery at any minute. Am I walking too fast? Are my hands in the right place? Are my eyes shifty? Oh yeah. Didn't steal anything.

I'd be much more inclined to purchase a home security system if they offered a moat and drawbridge package. And yes, I would be interested in the angry alligator option.

Who needs a dictionary anymore? I just type words into google and see if it corrects me.

Does anybody ever consider actually using bing or yahoo? I don't care if they are better abled to find what I am looking for, but I will never let google down.

Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on facebook people that I do know, but i deliberately choose not to be friends with?

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

My GPS says "Estimated Arrival Time." I see "Time to Beat."

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

Extended time off from school absolutely destroys my sleeping schedule. (tell me about it)

I really wish that body hair would get the hint and stop growing back after the first 10 shaves.

Dead is a bit too morbid of a term to describe a cell phone that has lost its charge. My phone is currently taking a nap. Back in action soon.

You know you're good friends with someone when they say something that makes no sense at all and you still know what they meant. (sounds familiar...)

May God have mercy on your soul if you wake me up even 30 seconds before my alarm clock is set to go off in the morning.

Sure, I'd love to join you in strapping two planks to my feet and hurling my clumsy ass down an icy mountain unprotected at top speeds. I see this ending well.

A light came on in my car for my airbag. I'm not sure what it means or how to fix it, but I now live in fear that it will deploy at any second and I will be impaled by my Slurpee straw.

Sometimes I make my dog sit through those sad as hell "adopt a pet commercials". Just to remind him how good he has it.

At this point, I'm beginning to think Hell is the only place that hasn't frozen over. (srsly - I thought I lived in the south WTF?)

There are few things as sweet as a canceled meeting. (Ain't that the freaking gods honest truth- although a snow day would be pretty sweet too right about now)

The most awkward 1.5 minutes of life is while being sung your Happy Birthday song. Where are you supposed to look?

Some people say I have an obsessive personality, but after hundreds of hours of research spanning several years, I can find no conclusive evidence supporting this. (me obsessive??? never...)